Triple Threat.... Battery Low/Won't Start... Followed by Code 95 (Dashboard) .... Hood Release Stuck (Won't Unlatch)

[RaleighSt.Clair 0]

So, a bit of a pickle here...

 

Went to start the car yesterday, obvious dead battery.  Hasn't been driven in a month in FL, so not totally surprised despite 1 yr old battery.  At the same moment I realize the battery is dead, I get a Code 95 on the dashboard.  Which is supposed to be related to the air bag sensors.  I went to pull the hood release to disconnect the battery and recharge, but the hood release lever will not budge.  I didn't pull too hard on it for fear it may damage something, but definitely not working from what I can tell.  I can't seem to find a way to get a screwdriver through grill on my 2013 spark to release the stuck latch manually.  Any ideas other than just having it towed to the nearest shop and hope they can fix it?