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Theft Deterrent - more like sanity deterrent


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So I feel like my car is possessed. For the past week my car has been turning on the odometer and MyLink displays if any of the following actions occur.

- Any door is opened (including hatch and hood)

- Unlock button is pressed on my keyfob.

- Lock button is pressed on the keyfob

- Switch is flicked to manually turn off the automatic headlights.

In this state the chime will go off with the drivers door open and the Theft Deterrent light is on. Also the engine will not start.

My only solution so far is to leave the drivers door open while inserting the key, turning it to the "on" position the back off and removing the key. Everything will turn off since the drivers door is open and I can start the car normally at that point.

I've tried unhooking the battery for a few minutes but that changed nothing.

Oh! When I turn off the headlights (Car is off) everything will turn back on but a relay goes insane and everything flickers for a second before turning on.

I've also tried my spare key to see if it was a transponder issue.

The battery is less than a year old and holds 12V while car is off really well.

 

All of this started after cleaning the car out. I wonder if we could have knocked something or if that's a coincidence.

Any thoughts are greatly appreciated.

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